The concept of self-management is based on the notion that it will improve wellbeing and strengthen self-determination and participation in health care, while reducing health care utilisation and health costs. Increasing self-management is a desirable goal for the 15%-20% of children and adolescents who have a significant ongoing health care need related to a chronic health condition. Promoting self-management in young people with chronic illness can be difficult for parents and health care practitioners. Doctors can help parents recognise the potentially competing aspects of the parenting role--protecting young people's health while supporting their growing independence and autonomy. Optimal care may or may not be achievable, depending on a young person's level of development. As children mature through adolescence, they increasingly want their own voice to be heard, as well as the right to privacy and confidentiality in health care consultations. As well as listening to parents and supporting their roles, doctors should see young people alone for part of the consultation, taking a psychosocial history and carefully maintaining confidentiality.